What the...?

The VMAs are on in the background...

First Hammer takes the stage decked out in a suit and pink necktie to perform "U Can't Touch This" while the long haired dude from the Black Eyed Peas looks on in amazement. Fool looks like the grim reaper in a suit.

...Jessica Simpson looks like a skanky, wasted, crack whore who used her blowdryer in the bathtub

...and I just caught child molester R. Kelly's performance to the conclusion for Trapped In The Closet. Did he forget his mic in the closet like he forgot where he left that videotape? The end to the story is not as lame as the performance (talk about trapped in the closet and coming out, Chuck and Rufus are lovers! Is R. Kelly trying to say something?). R. Kelly needs lessons from Rob and Fab in the lip syncing department instead of reciting the lines he feels like mouthing, and he should dump the whole acting bit. When he rehearsed this, didn't anyone ever stop to say, "Mr. Kelly, you're gonna look like a total fool on stage" or did everyone stare mesmerized thinking this guy is a talented genius?

...on the other hand, the Snoop performance with the Diddy led orchestra playing over the Biggie Smalls vocal tracks was kinda cool. But Diddy does look like a fool conducting the whole thing.

...Chris Martin is way off key. I'm a big Coldplay fan but "Speed of Sound" is more like "Sound of Shit" right now. Then again, I think the techs screwed up everyone's performances and have the mics set too low.

...Gwen Stefani and Snoop each win $10,000 for some stupid fashion award. Gwen says she will donate the money to a hospital in Orange County; Snoop says he's donating his share to the Snoop Youth Football League- umm, doesn't this mean its going in his pocket?!

Bad stuff.