Big Boss, Big Belly, Big Bitch Slap

36 days since my last entry. Lately, I've been feeling like I need to have a glass of wine to write. Blame it on the empty wine rack I guess; Beer has kept me away from being free with my thoughts. Beer makes me happy drunk, tequila makes me crazy drunk, gin makes me madman drunk, but wine makes the most secretive and silent person in me come out and become passionate and human. This Budweiser tastes like piss right now.

I am my own boss for now. The workplace is in shambles since my former manager transferred to another office. I have the responsibility of taking care of a lot of the back office stuff until we get some new heads, so I assigned my own hours from noon to 9:00pm to get the work done. I can sleep in but it's useless with the lack of office unity. I start getting the calls at 10 in the morning everyday and I always seem to be the guy in the middle that has to provide the solution; Everyone else in the office has their own issues with each other and also bring too much of their personal lives to work and I have to absorb the bitching and complaining and somehow act as the mediator and peacemaker. The lazy samoan guy I work with is insecure about his place in the office and is afraid that he may get the boot. All I can tell him is that he needs to speed up his process, so I've been trying to create shortcuts for the slug. His eight hours of work is equivalent to watching an instant slow motion replay of a regular person work for 45 minutes. Watch him work on something at his own pace and he will be your legal substitute for marijuana. You will lose all perception of time. "You're taking forever! Oh, it's only been 5 minutes? Can you move any faster?". One of the girls that I work with is in denial. I sent her home early after she visited the restroom three times to let Ralph out to play in the porcelain pool. She says she's sick and coming down with something; I say she's pregnant. Mangoes, marshmallows and vinegar chips all over her desk. She never ate that stuff before and I have noticed some weight gain. Typical pregnant woman's diet.

With my current average of about four packs a week, I can save $1000 a year. I have about 14 cigarettes left in the pack of Marlboro's that I bought last night and I told myself that after this pack, I'll cut down the number of sticks I smoke daily by half, eventually to the point that I cut it totally out. During college I smoked a pack of reds a day. Two years ago I started to smoke mediums and switched to lights after about 6 months. Then one pack a day turned into half and now I'm making the attempt to smoke way more less. I know, I know, it sounds pathetic... this masterplan of mine to quit smoking has been in effect for two years, but I can honestly say that I smoke way less than I did three months ago and am just a step closer to completely cutting it out. I have faith that my will power and discipline is solid enough to stop the cravings and more powerful than some nicotine patch. Or I can tell my sis to deliver a big bitch slap if I step outside every hour to get my fix. Smoking for about 8 years and I'm only 25, I think It's time to eventually put the trusty Zippo away and start taking more responsibility in keeping my lungs healthy. I'd hate for my son to lose his daddy over something stupid that can be avoided.

The countdown begins. 14 more cigarettes and 6 days to the Star Wars Trilogy DVD release.

I'll bring it down to 13 now with another can of piss. Why do I bother?