Wasted Day

The morning greeted me with a headache and last night I planned out my day to get a haircut and do the laundry but laziness settled in before I even got out of bed. So I've been in bed all morning reading the new issue of Maxim with Jessica Simpson which, by the way, seems to have its first fully clothed model photo shoot. What?! Anyway, so only now I manage to get out of bed and start my day in front of the computer with some coffee and waffles. The day is wasted and getting out of bed at noon makes me feel like crap. I know in a little bit I'll be on the couch.

We've been having some weird weather lately. Feels like the seasons are going in reverse from winter to spring and back to winter again. I never thought I'd have to wear a jacket during the daytime in late May. Hopefully it gets warmer; how can you enjoy Coronas under 9:00 orange and purple sunsets in 60 degree weather?

I spent yesterday afternoon watching The Last Samurai on DVD. The movie kind of reminds me of Dances With Wolves and Glory but is in itself a really good film. Definitely worth watching. If you like the whole samurai theme, check out films from Akira Kurosawa like Rashomon and Seven Samurai. This is where it all started, and you can see his influence in films like Star Wars and Pulp Fiction.

Okay, I'm out, before I get any lazier.

The City of Mountain View Proudly Presents...

...the Greatest Show on Earth...

...Walmart!

Every trip to my local Walmart is like going to a circus run by Filipinos. On a visit today to the circus to pick up some necessities, I observed more of the odd work ethics and practices of the predominantly Filipino team of stockers and cashiers that run the show. (I'm not hating, I'm promoting the show!)

At the door, I smile at the greeter, or is she the ticketmaster?, and she asks, "Kumusta? Filipino ka ba?" ("How are you doing? Are you Filipino?"). Umm, if I say no will you deny my entry and not let me see the lions and elephants?

Immediately, upon entry I see the snack bar. French fries, apple pie, ice cream, burgers, soda, and a clown! Actually its Ronald McDonald in front of the popular fast food chain, but the hungry occupants are circus workers eating their "baon" (packed lunch) of dried fish, salted egg, and fried rice. The smell of french fries and chicken nuggets is masked by a fishy smell, and other snack goers can't help but say, "That's interesting. What is it? Oh, sounds delightful!". I love Filipino breakfasts but I won't dare let others watch me devour it in the house of burgers and fries.

Once in a while you'll hear the ringmaster on the public announcement speaker. Sounds like someone got lost in the circus chaos! Months ago I heard a message similar to today's; "Mr. Tamayo, your wipe iss waiting por you!". Minutes later the ringmaster repeats the message and ends it saying, "Your wipe iss istill waiting por you. We called you pibe minutes ago!". The show must go on and the ringmaster puts on a show herself.

While going through the circus grounds I realized that I missed the greatest disappearing act ever! Again, on the loudspeaker, I hear the ringmaster say, "Employees of the sporting goods department, employees of the sporting goods department, please return to your department. Customer needs assistance." Where did they all go? Simply amazing!

Side shows can be found everywhere- high pitched singing voices that sound like birds, and people arguing in their native tongues, spitting foreign bad words at the speed of a machine gun. Today I also saw an amazing feat of strength and balance when a stocker moved about four cases of soda in each arm and topped it off with one on his head!

...and when the day is over, the stuffed toys are put back on the shelves after getting rowdy with the kids. As the animals are being locked away, the young Filipina animal tamers say to the bears and rabbits, "Cute na cute ka talaga! Nangigigil ako!". ("You're so very, very cute... times two! I just wanna bite you!")

Now that's another show...

Crackheads and Cough Drops

My weekly case of the Mondays has finally ended and now I can sit back and have a beer and cigarette knowing that the hardest part of the work week is over. Being away from the office for 5 days felt more like a month. I had that "new kid at school" feeling all over again and felt lost. Oh well, and the rest of the week waits...

What kind of crackhead buys something like cough suppressants to feel better but totally negates it with something like cigarettes? Well, apparently I am one of those crackheads, but that's beside the point. Before work I was at Walgreen's picking up some cough drops and smokes and noticed some of the last minute items at the checkout stand. The various items consisted of breath mints, a multivitamin which supposedly relieves hangovers, male enhancement drugs, intimacy enhancing pills for women, KY liquid and flashlights. Talk about a complete, undercover, 'Pimpin Made Easy" pack if these were all sold together! But who exactly grabs a box of intimacy enhancing pills and KY liquid at the same time with three people behind them at the checkout? I'm not sure if most people are as observant as I am in drugstores. I know it's not very amusing but sometimes I can't stop myself from thinking, "It must suck to be you..." or "Do you really think that'll work...?" when I see the different drugs, vitamins, ointments and zit creams people buy. America looks like a society of impotent, acned, hungover perverts that want to lose 10 pounds in 24 hours, or their money back. On top of that we have crackheads that buy Ricola and Marlboro's to cure a cough.

...just saw the trailer for "Before Sunset", the sequel to "Before Sunrise". The trailer song, "Edge of the Ocean", from Ivy is pretty damn awesome...

Old Stuff

Once in a while I’ll try to post old stuff I’ve written that may be worth a read. The following is a column I wrote for the student newspaper at Saint Louis University in Baguio City, Philippines back in 2001 sparking several mixed reactions and hard looks from many.

Just this past week while I was sitting in class, I found the words “Thug life- Westside till I die ” scrawled in black ink on my desktop. It made me laugh thinking that some educated Filipino kid was running around with a permanent marker and passing himself off as the successor of the late Los Angeles rapper 2Pac. Somewhere in the back of my mind I also had the feeling that this kid never experienced life on the west coast of the continental United States. I may be wrong but seeing at least one desktop or wall in every classroom tagged with rap lyrics or artists’ names, I do have my doubts. Although we never see it, and it may appear amusing, I’d have more respect for the guy if he spray painted “Pinoy Pride, Purok 5, Brookside til I die” all over the walls.

During my four years in college two hip hop songs stand out in my mind: Westside and Summertime in the LBC. Westside was a party anthem in Baguio and everyone knew the lyrics even if they could not relate to them. Everyone bobbed their heads and rapped along about their so-called “niggas in incarceration… sisters in the county building… and Westside love for all the ghetto children” while giving shout outs to Ice Cube, Eazy-E, Ice T and Too Short- some unknown heroes for many in the city. Summertime in the LBC was embraced by those that insisted LBC stood for Little Baguio City, the Philippines SUMMER capital. The song talked mostly about “blazing weed” and cruising to the spot in lowriders. Take the lowered ’64 Chevy Impala back to Long Beach California, in Little Baguio City we cruise to the spot in a jeepney or Tamaraw FX.

Clothes best describe one’s personality. We always associate true hip hop fans with old school sneakers or boots, baggy pants and oversized shirts. Around town I see sports jerseys of US teams, T-shirts with prints like the “Parental Guidance- Explicit Lyrics” seal, the Wu Tang Clan logo, 2Pac’s face and his west coast hand sign, or Snoop Dogg sporting his afro or braids. Regular faces we also see printed on shirts are Seattle’s Kurt Cobain, Jamaica’s Bob Marley and Cuba’s Che Guevarra. Will we ever see the face of Joey Ayala on a T-shirt? Will a Barangay Ginebra basketball jersey ever become a teenage “must have” and finally replace popular LA Lakers jerseys?

SHADY- adj. 1. giving shade 2. full of shade 3. [colloq.] OF QUESTIONABLE AND UNCERTAIN CHARACTER OR PERSONALITY. Eminem claims he is “the real slim shady”. The real slim shadys are the kids we see here who try to dress like him, talk like him, and get the same haircut like him… in short, they want to be Eminem. There is some uncertainty in the personality of a white rapper who wants to be black. What more with a Filipino who wants to be a white rapper who wants to be black? Who is the real slim shady now?

I’m not saying that we should stop listening to the music that we choose or patronize everything that is pinoy; I’ll admit that my formative years in the states have caused me to be more American that Filipino. We should just make it a point to remember our roots. Impress people with what you can share from your true self; don’t impress because you can rhyme as fast as the guys from Bone Thugs –N- Harmony in your 2nd/3rd language which is English.

De la Cold

The common cold is said to be one of the things that scientists can't solve. I am now at the end of a cold after days of laying in bed, being a couch potato and loading up on orange juice and chicken soup. Missing three days of work is awesome even with a pounding headache and runny nose, but as I get better, the thought of going back to work is making me feel sick again. I am on a mini vacation in my own apartment and each day that I blow my nose is another day closer to feeling better. At the same time, each day that I blow my nose is another day closer to a monotonous work week. My mini vacation of pleasure and pain is quickly cumming to its climax and will blow its own load like a premature ejaculation.
So what can I expect at work? For one thing, putting up with my co-worker's fictional stories about his nights at a club in San Francisco, having three girls crawling all over him and hanging out with rappers from both coasts. Before I got sick, he was sharing his latest tale of intoxication and promiscuity. On top of that he was saying that he got to hang out with the guys from De La Soul. I almost believed him; he said that he had pictures on his camera phone, but all I could make out from the pictures were three silhouettes of beings that didn't even look human posing in front of strobe lights. Who knows, it may have been them, but the images looked like someone took away the De La and left behind three souls. Its no wonder that after everyone falls victim to his storytelling, he is left alone, probably playing De La Soul's "Me, Myself and I" in his head.
It doesn't take science to figure this out. Stuff like this makes me sick.