Fanboys, Gadgetgasms, the Rumor Mill & Why I Hate the iPhone Hype (WTF?! Post #3)

Many have asked me too many things about the iPhone. I know its my work but...

I may be guilty of being an Apple fanboy, hell, I think everyone here at home is. You might even call me an Applevangelist who has successfully converted five people from a PC to a Mac just this year. Its not like I get paid to be passionate about Apple products, but once you go Apple, you can't help but argue with others why Senor Esteban's products are better. It's probably like making the transition from a regular mobile phone to a Blackberry and becoming a Crackberry addict, hell, might as well call me a Blackberryvangelist as well. But who knows, I might just kick the Crackberry addiction once the iPhone hits next week. Just like any Apple fanboy, this is probably the one time I've wanted to get my hands on something since, well maybe, the 5th grade when Super Mario Bros. 3 on the old school Nintendo was shown on that 80's Fred Savage flick, The Wizard. (Shit, did I just age myself) But seriously, there is too much hype around this and I can see the hype taking over more important things.




This is WTF post #3, WTF? Working for Cingular/AT&T now for several years now, I can say this is definitely the biggest thing since the actual merger happened and the Motorola RAZR was released simultaneously. Cingular is using the iPhone to simultaneously and clearly put their name out as the new AT&T. All the anticipation, preparation, and meetings so far leading up to this iPhone release forced me to cancel plans to attend a wedding!! WTF?!

The rumors surrounding the iPhone have caused some excitement but more problems at work. 50% of my work is managing B2B Corporate reps, the other 50% managing retail. My B2B team have always been pretty professional and establish great rapport; The retail side on the other hand... WTF?! All the excitement and their personal research on iPhone fanboy rumor sites cause them to be overexcited. A few weeks ago as iPhone hype got bigger I had everyone come in early for a meeting centered solely on the device, and since then made constant reminders everyday thereafter.

Me, concluding the meeting: "Until the iPhone is released or until Apple decides to go public with additional information prior to the launch, we are not to disclose anything to our customers except that there are two size variants and price points and they are available for purchase on the 29th at 6pm on a first come first served basis. Nothing more. Do not speculate on what you don't know and don't share your speculations with any customers you come face to face with. If someone has questions beyond what I tell you to disclose, give them our PR contact... Clear?"

Getting the thumbs up from everyone, I thought everything was dandy, but early today as I walk out the front office door to go to Peet's I'm tapped on the shoulder buy one of the reps telling me a potential iPhone buyer has some questions for me.

"Can you reserve an iPhone for me. The rep I just spoke with said to ask you. I really don't want to risk waiting in line when you guys are only getting like 20 on the launch date.".

Me: "I'm sorry, at launch it is first come first served, and I'm sure we will have more than 25 available.".

Customer: "That's not what that guy over there told me.".

Me to the rep 30 seconds later: "What part of "don't tell customers what you don't know" do you not understand? When did I ever tell you that we're only getting 25 units?".

Rep: "Umm, you mean we're getting more than that. I thought the iPhone was just going to be like a ordinary Blackberry launch or something. Is it really that big?".

Me: "Motherfucker, yes. How long have you been telling customers that we're only getting 25 and how many people have you told this to?".

Rep: "Umm, I don't know, maybe 5 people a day since April I think.".

Me: "Okay, since you're on the 25 mindset, how about I only let you sell 3 on launch day. Your expectations aren't that big anyway, I'll let the other's make money. And since you potentially ruined it for your coworkers by not thinking and running your mouth before your brain, I think it's fair to say you can go through our customer history and call each of them back before Friday and tell them we're getting more than 25.".

Rep: "Umm, okay, but if they do come in and we sell everything, do you think we can just total all the sales and all of the reps split the commission evenly?".

Me: "Cool, is that what you're thinking as a commissioned employee? It would be cool to make money off someone else's work, huh? Let's walk in the break room and you can present the idea so I can hear all the other reps tell you "Go fuck yourself!".

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A huge contributor to the iPhone hype is that no one knows any details surrounding the launch and most info is sealed shut until the time is right to talk. The secret point of purchase display is being installed in the office after hours on Monday, anywhere between 9pm to 7am the following day. Lucky me has to do the pain in the ass camping out at the office and wait for the graveyard work crew to arrive. WTF?! Could the work time window be any bigger? I'll have to put my work chair in recline and watch a DVD or three. After the late night install, I need to make sure I wake up to facilitate a three hour iPhone class starting at 8am. Son of a bitch, no other mobile device has ever created this much work with the buzz.

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Working for the exclusive wireless carrier selling the iPhone can suck right now. Everyone you know is asking for some kind of hookup. I've gotten about 10 calls in the past week for requests for special discounts. Wow buddy, I haven't talked to you in ages, how have you been... you want what again...?

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I wouldn't say there is anything totally revolutionary about the iPhone but its from Apple and I've been more than pleased with anything I got from them. One positive note about all the hype around this is that it will probably make more consumers open to using their mobile phones for more than just calls. I remember just a year ago I saw reps having the hardest time upselling to data devices and packages whenever I asked them to. Now Blackberrys are moving away from the prosumer and business markets and average joes are picking them up. I'm pretty sure this will open up the future on how we use our phones, with e-mail, sms, and web browsing as the primary functions with voice as a secondary add on.


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I'm expecting this to be bigger than any other electronic device launch, bigger than the Wii or PS3 launches. The Wii has changed the way we play video games but not everyone wants a cool game console, but everyone always seems to need a cool mobile phone. Right now the things that have me sold other than the fact is that its made by Apple is the cool multi-touch screen interface, it renders web pages the same way as how you see it on your desktop and not some bastard made to fit view, and it supports HTML embedded e-mail instead of seeing all the code written out like on other phones with an e-mail client. Plus, I never liked the built in mp3 players you find on other phones. I can't imagine browsing my music collection on something other than iTunes.

Working in the Peninsula, I see the Hillsborough / Burlingame glamour girls and Palo Alto tech geeks drooling all over this thing everyday... okay, okay, me too...


Let's see if my Crackberry addiction gets dropped on Friday...

Response of the Day- WTF?! Part 2

Spending an entire day interviewing people can suck. After several hours into it, you start to hear the same sugar coated answers and cliche responses as if all the candidates stayed up the night before finding shortcuts from an "Interviews For Dummies" book. I spent 8 hours today screening people to hire, spoke to roughly 15 people and walked away with 3 that really stood out. The first 2 were exactly what I was looking for: self motivated people that are all about making money and being put in the spotlight for recognition. The last person I grilled, well, let's just say that he definitely broke the trend of scripted responses as his interview came to an end but stood out as a definite no hire...

Me: "What I require from everyone that works for me is clear and simple presentation skills and an understanding that urgency to close a deal at the right time is key. With me there is no such thing as tomorrow. With that, in the clearest and simplest words, recap and close me in 60 seconds why I should forget about the other candidates I interviewed today and offer you the job.".

Candidate: "I won't give you an answer you probably heard all day from everyone else. I will tell you something that may be hard to believe, even some of my family and friends don't believe me. My life is in a time of change. I've had life changing events that have made me a better person. I woke up one morning and realized that I was probed by aliens. (As he said "probed" he actually rammed his index and middle finger of one hand into the opening of his other closed fist!) I realized that the aliens wanted me to see that there are things out there that I don't know about. After the probing, I started talking to God and he touched me in a way I never knew existed. I never felt this power. I think the aliens wanted me to see this. I felt like this was a rebirth for me- it made me feel like being a young boy going to church for the first time and being touched by a priest."





WTF? What do you say to that? Talk about biting your bottom lip and trying to maintain a straight face, especially when he made the hand action of being "probed" as if E.T. and ALF violated his bung, and the last statement about "being a young boy and being touched by a priest" didn't exactly come out right.

Classic WTF stuff!

WTF?!

...finally hopped back here after who knows when and after the demands of someone that I start writing again. I'm just out of the house, getting some fresh morning air. New grout laid around the bathroom tiles last night left a bad odor. It smells like the chemical equation for grout is Elmers Glue + sweaty gym socks.

Someone slap my hands... bad, bad... I'm going against my coffee drinking beliefs and am sitting outside of the over hyped money grabbing, dirt tasting coffee hole Starbucks, drinking a red eye, enjoying my morning smoke, and listening to the manager interview a potential barista. Mr. Manager conducting the interview is tapping his foot on the ground like crazy; Mr. Manager is totally wired on caffeine and has a "need to drop a deuce" smirk on his face like he has a bad case of bubble guts brewing in his stomach caused by his venti caramel macchiato. I think the excessive foot tapping is making the applicant look nervous: a bratty looking high school, second generation silicon valley rich kid who masterfully perfected the art of swaying her ponytail from left to right in unison with her left and right foot as she walks making her look like a total jail baiting ditz. The art of the ponytail sway must be part of the junior high curriculum in Palo Alto since you see the majority of Paris Hilton fangirls at Stanford Mall walk this walk. Anyway... I order a red eye at Starbucks since this seems to be the only thing that has the same caffeine caliber as a regular Peet's Coffee. I'm not at Peet's only because sometimes I like to enjoy my coffee with a couple of smokes, so I don't want to be the second hand smoke chimney around the families and kids which make up the majority of Sunday customers at the local Peet's; So I guess I can get my nicotine fix with all the other smokeheads that hang out at Starbucks. (Interview update: The manager is reading a handwritten script and asks, "How do you feel about having to wear khaki pants and not being able to wear open toed shoes?". WTF? Is this the make it or break it job offer deal making question? I wonder if this question is a toughie for the little ditz. Sounds like she's a little flustered.)

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Nothing much else going on since I last blogged. I finally went home to the Philippines back in March. I'll get some pics up. It was cool to see the pamilya again. Everyone thinks that Cali life is the shit, but no matter where you are, the best place to be is wherever your family and friends are.

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Its summer again... 8:30 sunsets... Corona and lime! Summer last year was probably the period when I was in the best shape of my post college life. My health freak phase brought mixed reactions from many- mostly WTF, especially when I totally cut out meat. I only ate salads, fruit and fish for about 3 months, ordered veggie burgers while I watched everyone else savor their juicy beef patties, and I went hiking for 2 hours everyday. I stopped when winter rolled around and gained all the weight back. So I'm doing it again after feeling gross shoving a slice of pizza down my throat last night. I went to Safeway late last night to load up the fridge- hell, the only food I have left is a box of panko breaded talapia filets from Trader Joes; My bad eating habits are due to an empty fridge causing late night drive thru runs and pizza delivery calls. 30 minutes later and a vegan dream cartfull of greens and imitation meat products that would make Moby proud, a fat lady with a fake tan decked out in a pink camouflage velour tracksuit with high heels gave me one of those WTF looks.

After the clerk scanned half my groceries, the old lady behind me actually asks, "Why you gotta go buy too much food for? What the hell, honey, you's holdin' up the line wid all dem groceries."

"Its food. You can never say its bad to stock up on groceries.".

What I really wanted to say was, "Coppertone addict bitch, mind your damn business. I'll be out of your way in a second and you can pay for your Cheetos, powdered donuts and Coors Lite six pack.".

She comes back saying, "True, true, but why you not gonna buy the good stuff. When I get dat much food, I gets the good stuff, know what i mean? Steak, cookies... You still young, you don't gots to be all healthy and junk.".

"Umm, I'm probably not as young as you think and I can only eat so much of the good stuff before I get tired of it and feel sick.".

What I really wanted to say, "The good stuff? In about 10 minutes you're going to stuff yourself with Cheetos, powdered donuts and beer! I don't see that being good for you. Couple that with a bad tan and an outfit you probably borrowed from your daughter and you're two steps away from the point of no return back to good.".

She just gave me one of those WTF looks again. Whatever... I'm sure everyone was giving her the WTF look also. If you go out in public looking like a moldy California Raisin auditioning to be a J.Lo back up dancer, you deserve the WTF look as well.