As I Scheduled... I'm Back With Stories of Shit, Giggles and My Obligatory Review of Things That Impress Me
Back from what? Its been about five months since I've visited my own blog to write a few things that occupy my now busier lifestyle- a life that requires that I schedule when to review my schedule. I can't even take a shit when I want to sometimes.
But really, these pages have missed Thanksgiving, Christmas and the weeks that followed the new year. So a promotion at work leaves me with more responsiblities and more work hours to try and manage an office of about twelve people. So far it has been fun, headaches are few and far between compared to what I did before, and working with upper management does have its perks.
Since this change I have had my hand in delivering the boot to three people. This is the part that is not fun. Two girls could have avoided the axe but insisted on being late to work everyday. I can be lenient and let 15 minutes slide but you will will feel the wrath of my axe after 30. So they both get cut about one week apart from each other right around the holiday season- the worst time to lose your job I guess. Oh well, I know one of them has a part time job as a backup reggaeton dancer, or so she says (oops, did you accidently wear clear heels to the office one day?). Reggaeton dancer? Or is there a pole involved with reggaeton music in the background?
One guy that got the axe had the same issues. Early on I thought this guy was a great hire, seemed solid all around and the perfect fit for team chemistry, but after three weeks he had me sharpening the axe again. He said that I was unfair and I should cut him some slack since he lived farther than anyone else. I really don't care where you live; You applied for and accepted a job and know what to expect. I did try to cut the guy some slack, after all he did seem sincere and more importantly I didn't want to send this guy to clean out his desk with a pregnant girlfriend at home. I agreed that he could work a mid-shift and come in just before noon to avoid the morning traffic. All seems fair and reasonable but the guy still came in over thirty minutes late after that. After a couple of days, we issued his final written warning with one more occurence leading to termination. He called me a hypocrite since I said that I would cut him some slack. I'll be lenient within reason but not show favoritism. A week later he got cut.
Now I'm not on some power trip or anything, but where I draw the line is thin. At the same time its difficult to show compassion without losing credibility and integrity. I'll give anyone the "Don't fuck with me" attitude but behind that I am far from being cold-hearted. For the people that I manage, its sink or swim. If they can't get in the same boat I'll throw them the float, but if they don't want to get onboard and insist on swimming upstream after I try to save them, then they force it upon themselves to sink. They get flushed and thats another shit I need to schedule.
Other than dealing with internal employees doing stupid things, I have to deal with regular people doing stupid things. Sometimes we use an inflatable sign outside the office to draw attention. The sign is powered by a generator. On a busy morning we had the generator sitting right outside to air out. One of the employees thought that it was okay to leave the generator in one of the small offices overnight instead of the proper storage rooms. Not so smart since the office he left it in happens to be where the air conditioner sucks air from to blow into the entire building. I was the first one in that morning and the whole office was transformed into a wonderland for gas fume freebasers. I opened all the doors and windows, turned on the air conditioner fans to the highest setting, and carried the generator outside. About an hour later, after all the fumes were gone and regular office hours were in effect, I happened to look outside one of the windows and saw a man yelling at his wife to start driving as he was closing the sliding door of his minivan. The last thing I saw before the door closed shut was the yellow generator sitting in the van. I did a Carl Lewis and sprinted outside with my necktie trailing behind me in the wind. The van was already too far for leather shoes to take me so my contact lenses went into Inspector Gadget mode and read the license plate number. A few seconds later I had the popo on the line to report the theft. I didn't care about the $300 generator; I was just pissed that the guy stole the damn thing while with his wife and daughter. About 10 minutes later, a cop car comes by with the guy handcuffed in the backseat and the generator sitting next to him. The thief was very apologetic and begged me not to press charges and carried the generator back from where he stole it. The cop asked if there was anything I wanted to say to the guy. Umm... What do you say? I don't feel like giving the guy a life lecture or cuss him out, I just wanted the stolen property back. With a smirk the cop said that he it was in his hands now and would take care of everything. What the hell does that mean? Rough him up? I have no idea...
A change in roles in the workplace has given me the shallow realization that success is not what you know but who you know and how you present yourself. The sloppy looking bookworm won't go as far as the well dressed guy with charisma. I'm not trying to polish my name and say that I'm one charismatic MF with a great sense of style, on the other extreme I'm not sloppy. I will say though that over the past few months I've become a bitch with the way I look. Who knows who I'll be talking to today?
My rules are simple- make sure the shoes are shiny, the necktie has the perfect dimple under the knot, clothes are pressed with slacks creased, don't go beyond two weeks without a haircut, and keep the eyebrows under control and far from Sesame Street's Bert. The morning ritual is long but when I think about it, I don't feel comfortable with anything less. And if I'm not comfortable, I can't work. To me there's nothing wrong if a man plucks 15 hairs off his eyebrows. There is definitely something wrong when a man younger than 50 allows his browbone to have a symbiotic relationship with something that looks like a brown fuzzy caterpillar from the Discovery Channel.
I haven't been totally engulfed by work- I still have the time to somewhat relax. I did enjoy Superbowl weekend watching Pittsburgh Steeler Jerome Bettis' belly demonstrate Newton's Law of Motion as the extra flab wrapped in a tight jersey carried him a few extra yards to force his way through a line of Seahawks. One for physics textbooks, Bettis' belly is the prime example of inertia at work.
I also, after months of waiting, saw the magic of Mark Kozelek of Red House Painters and Sun Kil Moon in concert again. He played at the Great American Music Hall in San Francisco. Now I won't get into detail about how pissed I was having dinner tickets number 3 to 5 and ending up in the back. Despite that, it was an awesome show. I can't say enough how much I enjoy hearing this guy perform... I know I rave about this guy all the time. Either you love him or hate him, understand his passion or be bored with it. I recommended Ghosts of the Great Highway to a coworker looking for cool indie acoustic music. The next day she hated me because she said it kept her up at night crying.
I guess the things involved in work has me addicted with cutting edge devices. Like I predicted, that crappy Motorola ROKR has been replaced with what they call the SLVR. This has been my new toy for the past week. Same phone but in a different shell with greater wow factor. I still have the same opinion on it though- this won't replace my iPod. At the same time, while using this for the past few days, I can't help but realize how dependent I am on my Blackberry... still waiting for that February 24 court hearing with Blackberry and NTP. Where will this leave all of us Crackberry addicts if service is halted?
Call me a brat but you'd do the same. One of the cool perks at work is being able to get my hands on new toys for basically excelling and earning reward merits. With all my points nearing expiration and not wanting to cash them out and get jipped, I redeemed them for a new TV. So I jumped on a flat panel LCD and an HD upconversion DVD player. Pretty cool. Watching Tina Fey on SNL last week during the Weekend Update was like she was just behind a window. And my DVDs have taken a whole new life...
With the Oscar's a few weeks away, one DVD that I had to pull out and watch again was Crash. Of the nominees for Best Picture, this one to me seems like the wildcard of the bunch but if you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend it. The first time I saw this last year, I was blown away. So what if Ludacris is in it (actually he wasn't that bad)? So what if it smells a little like PT Anderson's Magnolia? (Magnolia is actually a ripoff of Altman's Short Cuts.) So what if Asians aren't exactly depicted with justice? This is awesome. Terrence Howard is the next black actor to look out for. Don Cheadle is Don Cheadle. Matt Dillon proves that there is life for an actor after doing a movie like Wild Things. Thandie Newton, although she seems like a studio's cheap Halle Berry, is the definitive example of dainty. Most of all, Crash has one of the best shot scenes in the past year (if you watched this, its the scene with the mexican locksmith and his daughter with the magic cloak. You know what I'm talking about.). Its up there in The Green Mile status that make men cry like a bitch... Watch this.
To each and everyone I missed during the past 5 months...
Happy Thanksgiving!
Merry Christmas!
Happy New Year!
I'll try to stay on schedule...